The Evolution of Love
• Do you want to know why your previous relationships ended the way they did?
• Do you want to be able to diagnose your previous relationship history?
• Do you want to make different relationship decisions in the future ?
• Do you want to know how to create lasting relationships, which allow both of you to thrive?
• Do you want to know how to attract a partner?
Many books are written about relationships, how to get in them, how to get out of them, what to do if you are in a approach-avoidance dance, how to get your man to commit or how to get hoards of women into bed. The simple truth is that unless you develop yourself to become someone who can have lasting and loving relationships over the long-term none of the strategies will prevent you from repeating the patterns and entering into the predictable downward spiral that comes with multiple relationship failures.
This book will show you:-
• When to walk away from unhealthy relationships that will not bring you joy
• How to identify the type of love that you want
• How to develop yourself so that you are capable of lasting love
• How to transform your love life, and in the process improve your connections with family, friends, work colleagues and anyone who you interact with.
Although this book is predominantly about ‘paired’ relationships the information it contains will also help you to improve your relationships with everyone around you.
Something about me
From a young age I have been fascinated by how people communicate and change.
I have been fortunate to work in training and development in the Corporate world and the Public Sector for most of my career and have been an executive coach for the past 17 years. I have also undergone significant change myself in order to enable me to function effectively in the world.
The desire to understand how we all change and evolve prompted me to undertake a Master’s Degree in Change Agent Skills and Strategies. This experience combined with working with people often over long periods of time, enabled me to devise a successful approach to developing interpersonal skills which I laid out in the People Skills Revolution. This approach is underpinned by a model called the Continuum of Interpersonal skills.
In this book I outline all the skills required to develop increasingly sophisticated people skills, from assertiveness, through to influencing, negotiation, conciliation, taking a stand and making peace in a step by step manner. As a result of learning these skills I was a pretty well-functioning adult helping other adults to be well-functioning adults.
After I had systematically gained all these skills and could achieve nearly all of my goals by working with people, I noticed something in myself and others, which I found a bit worrying. This was that somehow something seemed to be missing. Finally I realised that what was missing was a heart connection not only with others but with myself too.
As a result of this realisation I wondered if the continuum approach that I used in the People Skills Revolution could be applied to love relationships. Also since I was not in a relationships myself I wanted to learn from previous mistakes to be able to create a healthy and loving relationship in the future.
Doing the research
In undertaking the research I tried the following strategies
• Computer dating
• ‘Chat room’ dating
• ‘Speed’ dating
• ‘Meeting people in real life’ dating
In addition I have read virtually every book about relationships that I could lay my hands on and read hundreds of articles on relationships on the internet
As a result of all this activity I did not manage to find someone who suited me but decided to treat the process as a research project to look at patterns in relationships
Reflections on Relationship
At first I thought that it was only me that was not finding a relationship that worked. Then thought it was only my late 40’s early 50’s age group that was having problems. Then I realised that relationships as a whole in the West seemed to be in crisis.
By which I mean partnerships are splitting up after a few years. A ‘sweetie shop’/revolving door approach to seeking partners and sex taking centre stage, before relationship.
Divorce rates in the West support this view. They are currently running at around 42% in the UK* and according to Business Insider (May 25, 2014), divorce rates are at 53% in the US with rates of over 60% in Spain, Portugal, Luxembourg, the Czech Republic, and Hungary. Belgium has the highest rate of divorce in this data set at a staggering 70%. The lowest official rate is in Chile with 3%
All of this lead me to the quite obvious conclusion that finding a new relationship which has a lasting chance of success appears to be very difficult these days.
Drawing some other conclusions
From the experience of relationships and from the research, I began to draw some other conclusions about why relationships are not working at the moment and what can be done to achieve a more positive experience of love.
It also became clear as society is changing that the romantic notion of a relationship for life is probably outdated. Perhaps what we need to develop is an ability to understand the nature of love and to move in and out of relationships without being emotionally crushed by them whilst being able to learn from each experience.
This book, if you stay with me, will take you on a journey of discovery for yourself and perhaps your partner. It will help you to make informed choices rather than leaving your love life in the ‘lap of the Gods’.
It will help you to understand where you are now in terms of your relationships and it will help you to decide where you want to be in terms of your relationships. It will then give you the knowledge, skills, understanding and motivation to get you there.
I hope you enjoy the journey.
* Who Stole My Spear – Tim Samuels
If you would like to follow the whole story of The Evolution of Love please go to the contents page below which includes links to all the chapters.
Please note that this blog is copyright (2016) and cannot be reproduced in part or whole without the prior permission of the author