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Impoverished relationships, The Evolution of Love, The Rise of Porn, Uncategorized

The Rise of Porn – Impoverished Love – The Evolution of Love

The Rise of Porn – Impoverished Love      

When I was younger pornographic magazines, used to be available on the top shelf of dodgy newsagents and I was not really aware of it as I was growing up. Now we live in an age when porn, rightly or wrongly is readily and freely available on the internet.

Today according to Sean Thomas in his very funny book ‘Millions of women are waiting to meet you’ at a click of a mouse, you can surf over two million pornographic websites with a thousand new ones created every day. When he talks about porn he says:

‘To men, the Internet says: Hey guys this is different, now you can see as many naked teenies as you like. And men have not evolved with the ability to resist this kind of endless temptation. It’s like giving beer to Eskimos, we don’t have the enzymes to cope. Marry the infinite porn-resources of the Net to the endlessness of male sexual desire and men can end up practically frigging themselves to death’.

After being hospitalised due to severe tonsillitis which he attributes to being so tired and run down after surfing so much porn on-line, he then asked his friends about their on-line experiences. After the third beer he says the truth comes spilling out.

‘It swiftly becomes obvious that many of my friends are also having Net-porn addiction problems similar or identical to mine.’

‘Further investigation reveals to me that my friends and I are quite the opposite of unusual; that Internet porn addiction is a burgeoning problem for men in the West, in the advanced world, maybe right across the globe’.

Sean Thomas explains the rise of internet porn like this;

‘The way I see it – male sexuality – maybe all sexuality – was never designed to cope with something like the Net. For sound genetic reasons the male libido is constructed by evolution to be an unscratchable itch, a desperate unsatisfiable urge. In this respect, it’s essentially the same as hunger: it’s meant to be unending and overwhelming when brooked and only temporarily satisfiable….. 

So men aren’t meant to wake up one day and think, ‘I’ve ogled five hundred girls today, think I’ll stop staring at them now. Men are therefore the hummingbirds of sex, constantly up for it and perpetually famished always seeking the nectar.

Sean Thomas’s experience was echoed in an article entitled ‘Parents still do not realise how toxic porn has become’ in the Daily Mail* where NHS psychiatrist Max Pemberton states that

‘One problem that researchers face is that porn is now so all-pervasive that it’s almost impossible to find ‘control’ groups so you can compare those exposed to it with those who aren’t’.

He goes on to say;

‘Porn is warping children’s view of acceptable sexual behaviour. Adults can usually distinguish dubious fantasy from reality but children can’t…….

The violence and hatred displayed towards women in modern porn is extraordinary’. Yet youngsters assume it is normal and is what can be expected of them’.

So what are the main reasons why porn is so destructive to relationships?  I am afraid that here I have more questions than answers.

How can you lock yourself in a room with a computer and be looking at progressively more pornographic and potentially violent images and not be affected by them in some way?

Since a lot of men are not equipped with a filter or on/off switch at what point do they say ‘enough is enough’?

How can men look at porn without it affecting the way they see the ‘real women’ in front of them?

One symptom of the effects of pornography is that these days’ women experience great pressure from their partners or potential partners to be shaved and anything but that is seen not to be ‘normal’.  Can you imagine the pressure on young women to start shaving themselves and then to have to do this for the rest of her sexual life?

Talking of porn in his book, ‘The Truth’ Neil Strauss says

‘It’s not just a world where sex is easy, but also where sex doesn’t involve dealing with someone’s emotions before, during or after the experience’.

Women on the internet ask nothing of men and in many, many cases do not even require payment so why should they expect to wait to have sex with the women they meet in ‘real life’ who might possibly like to have a relationship with them?

Women who are involved in pornography don’t expect men to have a conversation with them or talk about emotions ,which matters when men are according to the artist Grayson Perry ‘emotionally simple’ and often find this aspect of relationships very difficult.

And when a nice, shy, funny, intelligent friend I have known for years tells me that he is having therapy to cure his addiction to internet sex and porn you realise how near to your doorstep this problem has become.

Two other aspects of impoverished love that I would now like to consider are the nature of obsession and internet dating scams.

*Daily Mail April 30th 2016.

Please note that this article is Copyright and cannot be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any way without prior permission of the author. 

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