Role of Adventure in Life and Relationships
In Advice to a Young Wife from an Old Mistress, the mistress says:
‘Adventure is as needful to the real life of the spirit as food is to the body.
‘The Joy of the moment, of uncalculateness is sadly missing from many lives and there is a hunger for it, especially among men.’
In talking to hundreds of men over the past few years one thing I have been struck by is the need they have for adventure. It would seem that a lot of men who have been married for many years, love their wives and family and don’t want to jeopardise their lifestyle. However they don’t seem to be having the level of sex that they would like and they are bored. They are crying out for adventure.
When talking about the need for adventure in an article in the Telegraph entitled ‘The closer the couple, the better the sex? Not so’, Psychotherapist Esther Perel. writes:*
‘This wholesale sharing and constant transparency deprives us of a certain mystery, of an ability to remain curious about one another.’
‘It is a real experiment to try to bring together two fundamental human needs – our need for security, and our need for adventure – in one relationship, to ask the same person to make us feel safe and stable, and make us feel playful, mischievous and adventurous.’
Much of the practical advice she gives is to parents, to help them reconnect with their playful sides and “step out of Management Inc”, as she puts it,
‘To understand that if all the Lego pieces are not put in the box tonight, they are not going to be judged for it. It isn’t the kids that extinguish the fires, it is the adults who fail to keep the spark alive.’
It is also interesting to note that after immersing himself in personal development to cure sex addition and writing, The Truth, Neil Strauss has set up a group called ‘The Society’ with the mission to:
‘To provide cutting-edge training, developmental materials, and one-of-a-kind adventures to an exclusive global fraternity of like-minded people focused on becoming their best selves. Members encourage personal and professional growth through honesty, accountability, and brotherhood’
In this mission Strauss mentions ‘one-of-a-kind’ adventures, which have included visiting the NASA Space Centre, Silicone Valley and meeting international dignitaries. To me this shows recognition of how central healthy adventure is to becoming a vibrant and whole human being.
So if you want a loving and evolving relationship one thing I would suggest is build some healthy adventure into your life and into your relationship.
*1st June 2014
This blog is part of a book called ‘The Evolution of Love’ if you would like to follow the story from the beginning please go to the blog I posted on 20th June entitled’ The Evolution of Love’ and read backwards to now.
With thanks to Jo Grant for permission to use her photographs
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