THE MATING CALL OF THE UNICORN
On British television there is a programme called ‘First Dates’ when singletons are matched with a partner to have a blind date over dinner in a classy restaurant in London
It is obvious when people turn up for their dates that some attempt has been made to match them and it is fascinating to watch how they get on during the programme.
More often than not it is the usual ‘car crash’ which results from over zealous expectations and poor communication skills. But sometimes, just sometimes something magical happens.
One of these rare occasions was when 25 year old businessman Charlie from Wandsworth met 28 year old blonde haired, blue eyed Lorna from Balham.
Talking to the barman before they met Charlie explains about the woman he is looking for…….
‘It’s not just first impressions that get me going. If you find the right type of crazy then that’s someone who you can gel with’.
Then he goes on to explain his ‘crazy woman’ matrix.
‘Essentially you take a graph. One side has the level of ‘crazy’ and the other side has the level of ‘hotness’. Now I watched a ‘You Tube’ video, which went through a schematic analysis of where different kinds of girls fit. Essentially you have the coolness scale mixed with the craziness scale. So you have the crazy line and then finally you have a super attractive girl who is not crazy, who is super cool and you get on really well with – the Unicorn’.
Barman ‘So you are looking for the Unicorn?’
Charlie ‘Yes I am looking for the Unicorn, this is the ideal, because essentially they are incredibly rare and precious animals’
Barman ‘To find that perfect person is quite elusive I suppose’.
Enter Public Relations wiz Lorna who in her introductory interview says:
‘It is quite ironic that my title is ‘Head of Partnership’ because I am very good at establishing relationships in a business sense but for some reason I am just not able to establish a relationship with a guy.
I have a brother who has bought a house and is getting married and is talking about having kids and I am like “ aauuuuggghh, I am 28 and still single and I don’t really know what’s happening’
Getting quite emotional she says ‘I have been out with three guys who I guess you would classify as long term boyfriends and all three have broken up with me. I don’t know why and I am like “errrrr” what’s wrong with me?’
She goes on to say ‘I just want a really nice guy, you know someone who will challenge me and bring excitement into my life’.
When Charlie first saw Lorna his eyes nearly ‘popped out of his head’. Clearly ‘hitting it off’ right from the start, Charlie tells Lorna that he grew up in the Middle East around camels and Lorna tells him that she grew up around sheep. At which she says ‘yours is way more fun’.
Both explain to each other about how their cousins and brothers are getting married and having children who are adorably cute and as the conversation flows he says ‘well it seems to be going ok so far’ and she says ‘you are embarrassing me’ and then says ‘it does yea’.
Then he asks her if she has seen the ‘Crazy/Hot’ matrix for girls? When she says no he says ‘so basically you have got the fun zone, date zone, wife zone, and then below that is ‘unicorn’.
She then asks ‘what does it mean if you are in the unicorn zone?’
And he answers ‘so basically it means that you are the right level of hotness to the right level of crazy. And she says ‘oh I love that’
He goes on to explain ‘it’s quite a nice concept because it’s a rare mythical creature’.
When the meal is over Lorna says that she is so happy to go ‘dutch’ but he says ‘no, no it’s fine’.
When talking on his own after the meal Charlie says ‘she has a very infectious laugh and that was good. Yea I did fancy her and I would like to see her again. It would be nice to see if Lorna is my ‘unicorn’’.
After the meal Lorna says about Charlie ‘he’s very good looking, he’s travelled, he’s obviously very ambitious but I also quite like that he has quite a quirky side to him, but I genuinely hand on heart, I don’t know whether he fancies me. I don’t know’.
When they come together after their individual interviews he smiles when she sits down and says ‘are you alright?’
She talks first and says ‘I am just going to say it, regardless of what you think of me, it was good, no regrets’.
When the production team asks them if they would like to see each other again. He says ‘I am going to leave this to you to talk first and she says ‘oh no I can’t’. He turns to the camera and says ‘yes why not, could do. If you want to go for a drink now we can go to Madisons’.
And she says ‘yea let’s do it.
Smiling he says ‘so that’s what we’re doing’ at which she gives a really ‘snorty’, genuine laugh. Embarrassed by her laugh she waves her beautifully manicured hands over her mouth and says ‘they are real problem noises’ (as though she feels that they may have been a reason for the previous relationships not working) and then says ‘not a noise a unicorn would make’
To which he replies ‘I don’t know, it’s the Unicorn Mating Call.
At the end of the show it says Charlie took Lorna out for more Prosecco and he’s hoping he’s found his Unicorn.
Thanks to Jo Grant and Stella Pitman for permission to use their photographs
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