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Attachment Theory

This category contains 6 posts

THE MANUAL CHEMICAL REFERENCING DEPARTMENT AND THE FILIPINO WIVES CLUB

It all started when one of the team members had gone to the Philippines to find a wife. This was followed by each of them in turn going to get themselves a Pilipino bride.

According to the team leader instead of manually chemically referencing drugs now he spent his time resolving arguments between the husbands and the wives and between the wives themselves and between the husbands.
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Contents Page – The Evolution of Love – with links to all chapters

The book is a cumulative build so that one chapter builds on the previous one so that at the end there is a coherent story about relationships in the twenty first century. Having said that I have also written all the chapters in such a way that they can be ‘stand alone’ blogs. The list of contents and the date I posted each blog is below to help orientate you around the book. Continue reading

Attachment Theory – The Evolution of Love

You would have been raised by people who you knew loved you and were prepared to express and demonstrate this, they would have always been there for you, established clear boundaries to help you feel safe, helped you to adopt a clear set of values, taken time to listen to and helped you to interpret your feelings, thoughts and ideas, encouraged you in all your interests, validated your emotions and assisted you in your emotional development. They would have helped you to be the best you could be, celebrated your achievements, accepted your weaknesses, encouraged you to be empathetic with others, given you constructive feedback when they thought it would help you and taught you to give constructive feedback when you were unhappy about someone else’s behaviour. They would have allowed you to depend on them when you were young and celebrated your independence when you were ready. Finally they would have modelled a successful and loving relationship with a partner. Continue reading

Limbic Development and Relationships – The Evolution of Love

It is interesting that when Veronica and I first started to work together to explore relationships, it never occurred to us that as the time progressed we would effectively limbically develop each other. However from the outset we set clear boundaries, researched topics of interest and relevance, participated enthusiastically in each other’s planned activities, gave each other positive and constructive feedback and were committed to attending the meetings. As I have mentioned before much to our surprise we did not talk about men very often or relationships for that matter. Continue reading

Attachment Theory – The Evolution of Love

To be securely attached you would have experienced all or most of the following ingredients in your childhood:-

You would have been raised by people who you knew loved you and were prepared to express and demonstrate this, they would have always been there for you, established clear boundaries to help you feel safe, helped you to adopt a clear set of values, taken time to listen to and helped you to interpret your feelings, thoughts and ideas, encouraged you in all your interests, validated your emotions and assisted you in your emotional development. They would have helped you to be the best you could be, celebrated your achievements, accepted your weaknesses, encouraged you to be empathetic with others, given you constructive feedback when they thought it would help you and taught you to give constructive feedback when you were unhappy about someone else’s behaviour. They would have allowed you to depend on them when you were young and celebrated your independence when you were ready. Finally they would have modelled a successful and loving relationship with a partner. Continue reading

We become like the people we love….

The main message I want to convey in this chapter is how little attention is paid to limbic development in western society. Increasingly we are relying on our reptilian (survival) and neo-cortex (thinking and problem solving) brains to help us make decisions and to live our lives, including when it comes to relationships Continue reading