I believe that this life cycle of falling in love and falling out of it will feel familiar to most of us. In his reactions you see how his own insecurities heighten his positive feelings and deepen his negative feelings. He finishes the book by talking about ‘Love Lessons’ and concludes that although romantic love is painful, full of jealousy, masochism and obsession that it is preferable to the painless, pleasant, peaceful and reciprocated feelings of mature love. Continue reading
This level of ‘love’ is characterised by a lack of discrimination in chosen partners. The worst examples of this behaviour can be seen on shows like Jeremy Kyle or Jerry Springer. When people go on these shows they have often met through social media, got pregnant within weeks or even days of meeting, switch partners when they are on ‘a break’, which might just be overnight, and seem to enjoy the attention they get from arguing about their partner and the relationship on national television.
What fascinates me about this type of relationship is that when warring couples are asked why they are still together often whilst being held back by the security staff, they say ‘ but we love each other’. This is because they are used to an impoverished template of love. Continue reading
Having read many books on relationships I realised that much of the information was conflicting and much of the advice was manipulative. Then I hit on the idea that the reason that the advice was conflicting is that they were talking about different types of relationships Once I realised this, I used the idea of … Continue reading
In my previous blog I talked about a concept called the Psychological Bingo Board and explained how we in effect programme our personality based on the behaviours and beliefs which enable us to get attention when we are growing up. The idea behind the Psychological Bingo Board is that we have within us potentially all … Continue reading
This is longer than my other posts – I hope you will stay with me – it’s interesting!! Sometimes I find it quite hard to track how the ideas in the book came about because it was an evolving and iterative process. One thought led to another until a way of thinking was developed which … Continue reading
According to Allan and Barbara Pease*, there are four basic things that men have always wanted from women Sex Basic Services, food, washing, mothering etc To be loved and to be number one Solitary time without interruption Whereas they suggest that women say that want the following from men Love Faithfulness Kindness Commitment Education and … Continue reading
I used to go dancing with a female friend and we got to know another guy – let’s call him Wally. We used to sit on the same table. He was what Neil Strauss in ‘The Game’ would call an AFC (an average frustrated chump). Although he was a bit off the wall and did … Continue reading
A publisher once said to me that women buy self-help books and share them with their men. Although I am sure this is generally true, men do buy and read books like the international best seller ‘The Game’ and ‘Rules of the Game’ by Neil Strauss in which he tells the (AFC) Average Frustrated Chump … Continue reading
Adding to this commentary of male identity, Allan and Barbara Pease say in their book ‘The Mating Game – Why Men Want Sex and Women need love’, that men these days have few male role models especially amongst teachers ‘It all adds to the confusion new generations of young men feel when thinking about what … Continue reading
‘Men should be dynamic, problem solving, in control, go-getting, vital, successful and soft as and when required. Men’s magazines are about tight abs, not how you feel. Currently there is no real way of reaching men to discuss how they feel. As a bloke, if you go out with your mates, you drink a few pints, you talk sport, you might moan about the missus, but you won’t talk about your feelings, about how you can’t cope. Your mates would run a mile. They don’t know how to talk themselves. Men don’t; it is not seemly’.