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Men and relationships

This category contains 28 posts

The Masks We Wear – The Evolution of Love

If we are raised in a family where we have to put on a mask (or adopt a persona) in order to fit in, we are likely to attract another person wearing a mask when it comes to having relationships. It takes something like experience the men went through in ‘The Lonely Hearts Club’ where they were able to be present in a non judgemental and accepting environment for our masks to fall away. Continue reading

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Limbic Development and Relationships – The Evolution of Love

It is interesting that when Veronica and I first started to work together to explore relationships, it never occurred to us that as the time progressed we would effectively limbically develop each other. However from the outset we set clear boundaries, researched topics of interest and relevance, participated enthusiastically in each other’s planned activities, gave each other positive and constructive feedback and were committed to attending the meetings. As I have mentioned before much to our surprise we did not talk about men very often or relationships for that matter. Continue reading

Evolving Love – The Evolution of Love

For us, evolving love was a journey rather than a destination. We realised that as we changed, it would change. We also realised that people we had previously been attracted ceased to interest us and people with different qualities started coming into our lives (or maybe we just started to notice them).

Although there is no map or template, for this part of the journey we did gather hints or suggestions from some of the authors who have eluded to it. Continue reading

Accepting Love – The Evolution of Love

Accepting love is characterised by acceptance of self. It is a recognition, that we are all a blend of positive and negative, light and dark. In fact we are potentially all elements of the Psychological Bingo Board and more. This acceptance is propelled by the drive towards integration that we have inside of us Continue reading

Teamwork Love- the Evolution of Love

Coming back to where we started that marriage is a gamble ‘by two people who don’t yet know who they are or who the other might be’. For a relationship to succeed and evolve both parties need to take responsibility for their own happiness and address their own needs for development. This involves learning to accept themselves but also learning to accept the other as they are. You can’t expect them to change. If the partner chooses to change, that is a bonus and this joint development will allow them to move forward together. Continue reading

A Sceptical View of Romantic Love -Romantic Love – The Evolution of Love

Foley suggests that after the dream wedding, the problems that were suppressed during the illusion of romantic love return, observing that ‘no one is easy to live with’, there are only ‘degrees of difficulty’. He strikes a chord when he says that instead of being encrusted with diamonds we are all a bundle ‘of irritating beliefs, habits, superstitions, neuroses, moods, ailments, indulgences and bad taste not to mention appalling relatives and inexplicable friends.’ Continue reading

The Rise and Fall of Romantic Love – Romantic Love – The Evolution of Love

I believe that this life cycle of falling in love and falling out of it will feel familiar to most of us. In his reactions you see how his own insecurities heighten his positive feelings and deepen his negative feelings. He finishes the book by talking about ‘Love Lessons’ and concludes that although romantic love is painful, full of jealousy, masochism and obsession that it is preferable to the painless, pleasant, peaceful and reciprocated feelings of mature love. Continue reading

The Psychic and His Russian Girlfriend – Impoverished Love – The Evolution of Love

The Psychic and His Russian Girlfriend I was in a meeting where a psychic (who looked remarkable like Uriah Heep the obsequious and ‘ever so umble’ clerk from Dicken’s David Copperfield) was giving a talk. He started his lecture by saying he was going to talk about ‘Trust’. He then proceeded to tell us that … Continue reading

Internet Dating Scams – Impoverished Love – The Evolution of Love

Internet Dating Scams The last aspect of impoverished love that I would like to talk about is the world of internet dating scams. When I first started internet dating I talked to someone who looked really handsome in his profile picture.  He said he was Portuguese and worked in the diamond industry and lived in … Continue reading

The Rise of Fun – Impoverished Love – the Evolution of love

The Rise of ‘Fun’ Another form of impoverished love is what I would call ‘the rise of fun.’ I included it in the section on impoverished love because it describes behaviour which is impoverished – but it’s not love at all and makes no real pretence at love. After talking to many men on the … Continue reading

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