The book is a cumulative build so that one chapter builds on the previous one so that at the end there is a coherent story about relationships in the twenty first century. Having said that I have also written all the chapters in such a way that they can be ‘stand alone’ blogs. The list of contents and the date I posted each blog is below to help orientate you around the book. Continue reading
It is very likely that an organisation using competency based recruitment will have indicated that they will be using this approach right from the very beginning and it will be built into the early selection process as well as the interview. So once you have decided to apply for a position you should start to collect evidence from your experience to demonstrate that you have that skill. Continue reading
So how do you answer the salary question if it is asked in an interview? The simple answer is that you need to be vague and talk in terms of ranges. It is probable that the company have given some idea of the salary either in an advert, through an agency or through informal inquiries before you applied. When you put in your application there will be an assumption that the salary on offer is more or less in line with what you are likely to accept. Having said that in most roles there is some opportunity to negotiate – even in public sector appointments. Continue reading
You would have been raised by people who you knew loved you and were prepared to express and demonstrate this, they would have always been there for you, established clear boundaries to help you feel safe, helped you to adopt a clear set of values, taken time to listen to and helped you to interpret your feelings, thoughts and ideas, encouraged you in all your interests, validated your emotions and assisted you in your emotional development. They would have helped you to be the best you could be, celebrated your achievements, accepted your weaknesses, encouraged you to be empathetic with others, given you constructive feedback when they thought it would help you and taught you to give constructive feedback when you were unhappy about someone else’s behaviour. They would have allowed you to depend on them when you were young and celebrated your independence when you were ready. Finally they would have modelled a successful and loving relationship with a partner. Continue reading
Unless it is a completely different job from the ones you have done previously you should make your current job sound remarkably like the job you are being interviewed for. Look at the job specification and highlight all the similarities and common skills that are required in both jobs. Continue reading
The first thing to understand is that although there seems to be an apparently limit less number of questions that could be asked there are really only three. And these are:
Can you do the job?
Do you want the job?
Will you fit in?
Every question you will be asked will address one of these three concerns. The strange thing is that most interviewers won’t even know this. Continue reading
We went for a drink in the station bar and were having a chat when I noticed on the train timetable screen that there was train back to London in 25 minutes. So I told him that I could not go through with the weekend although I was happy to answer any questions that he had. I felt terrible for doing this but I just knew that it would have been a mistake to stay. So I got back on the train and looked wistfully out of the window and reflected on what might have been. Continue reading
Each session was usually instigated by something that was on our mind or something that had happened to us in the intervening period. We found that the sessions had a natural progression and a unique timeliness about them. We also realised how much our own friendship was deepening as we learnt to value each other and develop strategies to enhance our connection and communication. This was a very real and unexpected outcome of our work together. Continue reading
What arch manipulators do is create chaos where none existed before and know what ‘buttons’ to press to get people to act emotionally and fall out with people that they used to previously get on with. When this over reaction occurs the spotlight is taken off the manipulator who can then carve out a pathway to their goal. Continue reading
‘The reason why we have so much trouble with relationships today, maybe our neglect of its study. We expect to find intimacy naturally without education or initiation. When we fail in this area, we assume that we must have some inborn lack. But the fact is we do nothing well in life and that includes intimacy unless we have the schooled imagination for it.’ Continue reading